I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
dude. I can hear the air.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
