i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
