If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
