We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
