clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize