after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
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