I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
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