I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Randomize
