Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
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