saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
