I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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