I cannot find my penis.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
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