If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
