I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Randomize
