pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
You ate ashes out of my bong
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
