ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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