Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Randomize
