dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
false alarm, still single
Randomize
