this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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