I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
