ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
