her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
