she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
i drank out of a bidet.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
