Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
