You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
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