DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
