My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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