he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
