I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
