have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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