you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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