I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
