I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
