i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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