he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Randomize
