I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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