just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Randomize
