Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
