Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Randomize
