I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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