I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Who did Billy Mays play for?
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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