her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
