there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
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You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
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Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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