I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Randomize
