She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
