There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
