Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
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