She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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