bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
