He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
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