Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
