yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
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