Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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