dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
This is classic penis vs brain.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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