if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Randomize
