Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Randomize
