I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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