yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
