woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Randomize
