You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
