Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
