Well douche your snatch and let's go!
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
