the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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