omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
